As I sit here writing, my four year old is curled up at my feet and my 16 month old is snuggled by my side. I can see her breathing in the dim glow of my laptop. She puckers her lips in her sleep, and her beautiful blonde curls turn into a lions mane. My oldest talks constantly, and her sleep is no exception. Most nights while I write, she murmurs in her sleep. Her tiny feet are heaters on mine. She insists on sleeping touching my feet and stirs when we don’t have this connection. This is our every night. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I’m not quite sure how we became a co-sleeping family. My husband swore we never would, yet here we are. We half-hardheartedly tried a few times to get my oldest to sleep in her bed. Sometimes, she even fell asleep there. But every night around 1 or 2, she would wake, stumble back to our room half asleep, and slide into bed. A few times we tried to gently steer her back to her room, but that did not last for long either.
The weird thing is on those nights, I missed her. It was like she was across the country instead of down the hall. Some how the bed felt too big and the room felt too cold. And I never slept good. It seems I needed her there as much as she needed me.
When my second was born we let her sleep in the bassinet by the bed. That worked for about three months, but shortly after that, she joined our perpetual slumber party. She’s been there ever since and has never slept in the adorable nursery I spent months planning and designing. She sleeps best in my arms. It’s not the most comfortable way to sleep, but sometimes, I can feel her heart beat through her body and instantly know it’s in sync with mine.
I know all the reasons that you are not supposed to co-sleep. I did the research and know the risks. Every argument that could possibly be made has been presented by family and friends. I heard them all, and weighed the benefits for my family, and co-sleeping fit best for us. I had my own reasons:
1. One day I’m going to miss these snuggles.
I’ve heard it a thousand times. The days are long, the years are short. One day they won’t be as snuggly. And I will miss it. So I’m going to soak up those snuggles while I can.
2. Everyone feels safe
Nothing feels safer than everyone in the same bed. If something catastrophic were to happen, my babies are right beside me and not across the house. This thought really comforts me, espcially on nights my husband is out of town, or works late.
3. Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is so much easier when co-sleeping. There was no walking across the house to nurse a cluster feeding baby. My milk supply stayed steady and never got too low. Night nursing was peaceful. My daughters both soon fell into a rhythm where they would find me in the night and quietly nurse themselves back to sleep. Many times, I barely stirred.
4. More Sleep sooner
Sleep with kids, especially small ones, is a precious commodity. I don’t do well without sleep and needed to find the quickest route to a solid 5-6 hours a night. Of course breastfeeding was a tremendous help, but also, I found that they slept better just being near me. We recently night weaned my youngest, and I find that just feeling my touch is all my she needs when she stirs in the night. My babies both sleep best knowing I’m close. They sleep sounder, longer, and unafraid of the monsters that lurk in the dark.
5. Body heat pays the bills
This one seems silly but I am for real. We save money by keeping our upstairs thermostat low. Most of the winter, it was set to 64. We also run a fan as we sleep better with the white noise. Even on the chilliest nights, we never got cold from all the warm bodies piled under the blankets.
6. Mornings are amazing
I am not a morning person. At.All. But, at this stage in my life, mornings are some of my favorite times. The days we wake up to find sunlight spilling through the windows are the best. Sometimes, I wake before the girls and just lie there watching them sleep. When they do stir, and begin to wipe the sleep from their eyes, they turn into happy, half-awake giggle monsters. These are the days when my heart wakes so full it might burst.
Co-sleeping doesn’t work for everyone, and I respect that. Just as I have my reasons for co-sleeping, there are many valid reasons for not. There are risks, and we take every precaution to be sure we are following safe co-sleeping guidelines. And, we won’t co-sleep forever.
As I mentioned, my husband isn’t the biggest fan of our cozy sleepovers. He has been the biggest part of our feeble attempts to get my oldest in her own room. He will ultimately be the driving force behind getting them in their own bed. However, I know that he secretly loves it too. I know because I watch him crawl into bed and pull our daughters close for snuggles. I’ve seen his face when he wakes up to a silly, smiley baby. For him, whether he admits it or not, these are precious moments too.
Now, I do realize, sooner rather than later, my oldest has to move into her own bed. Our next plan, is to wait until her little sister is able to share the bed in her room with her. Truth be told, the thought of this breaks my heart. I imagine, the transition is going to be just as difficult for them as it is for me. Somehow though, I am comforted by the fact that they will still have each other.
I’m sure when the time comes, I will put it off, as I have put it off before. I know I can’t prolong it forever. But until that moment, I will marvel at them as they dream and watch as the time passes right before my eyes. I may not get the best of sleep, but there will be time to sleep. For now, I am going to be at peace with my babies beside me and take the time to savor every last snuggle.
I cried reading this! We are also an accidental co-sleeping family! My son was sleeping great in his bassinet but around 3 months he got reflux pretty bad (spit up everywhere) so he stirred more often until I put him next to me one night and he slept for hours! I agree with you that night Nursing is so peaceful and with him right next to me it’s amazing to basically nurse while we are both still asleep! Such a sweet post mama- really made me realize the blessing I have and to appreciate the snuggles while they last!
I’m due in a week so my husband and I are trying to talk through what we will and won’t do then. I love hearing people’s real life stories to pull from though!
Yes, yes, yes to all of this! We are currently co-sleeping with our 14 month old, but on some nights you will find our 2 & 4 year old curled up with us. Unfortunately, my husband is a pretty big guy, and our bed is pretty small, so it is NOT comfortable. But we got some cushions that we set next to our bed, so our older two can curl up there. <3 They share a bed together most nights (unless they have driven each other crazy that day lol). My husband is the driving force behind getting our kiddos out of our bed too, but I know our youngest won't leave at least until she's done breastfeeding. Gotta have that midnight snack! Really enjoyed reading this!
I literally was thinking of this same thing this morning. My almost 13 month still sleeps with us and nurses through the night. I love waking to him next to us. If you follow the safe guidelines, I think this completely makes sense. Are we the only mammals who think our young should sleep away from us in a dark room, and not expect them to be scared? I will cherish every moment like this that we have! Thank you for sharing!
This is great! We are a bedsharing family too. I know it wont last forever so I’ll enjoy all the snuggles I can get while it lasts 🙂
The kid splept with for the first year… and if we had a king size bed, she would’ve stayed longer!
I’m a mama of 4 and my first three we did not co-sleep. But with my 4th, we do! It happened out of necessity really, otherwise we would have had zero sleep. But now that we have for almost two years, I wish we would have coslept with my others.
This made me so emotional. My husband and I swore we would never co-sleep. And just like you said, my 6 week old has made herself nice and cozy right up in my arms every night. I’ve tried to get her in her bassinet and some nights it works for a few hours, which is nice, but I also miss her. Thank you for this, I’m glad I’m not alone!
Well said. I love cuddling with my two little ones. My oldest is the cuddle-bug!
We co-slept in the beginning and I will still take the occasional nap with my babe. And when hubby is away….well…in she comes. It really is beautiful and creates such a bond.
We were sort of an accidental co-sleeping family as well. Those were precious moments and I wouldn’t trade them for a moment. How did they sleep back in pioneering days? I am sure there was plenty of co-sleeping going on. Thanks for your post.
I am a great believer in co-sleeping. Bubbas need their mammas and vice versa. All three of mine have slept with me. The littlest one is 9 months and sleeps in our bed. It is the only way to get any sleep!
Rose @ OurHouseofLove
It sounds wonderful. I know a lot of people have their opinions about co-sleeping but I really don’t see anything wrong with it. My children and I co-sleep sometimes during naps, but at night, well, it’s nice to have the bed for just my husband and I. But I definitely am going to miss those cuddly naps we have!
Love this! We usually do not co-sleep the entire night, but my 7 month old often wakes up around 6 am and ends up in our bed until around 8. Those nights though where he has trouble sleeping he ends up there all night. I always swore I would not co-sleep, ever. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out that way. Great post!
I am a grandmother of two beautiful girls. The older is co sleeping with her parents and the younger too small to do so . I myself co slept with their father when he was very small. While I understand how wonderful it can be, I do think it can be very dangerous. you mentioned breastfeeding, which today is the preferred method. This is definitely a game changer! It is not safe ! The breastfed baby should be safely put down in the bassinet or beautiful nursery you’ve provided for them, as well as the bottle fed infant under seven months or so. With this in mind I guess you wouldn’t have a reason to co sleep. The whole thing begins when your baby gets used to being in your bed. It is convenient and cuddly for the mom and dad but definitely unsafe. Let’s get back to basics . No one said it would be easy to transition a baby but it is part of the job. I remember sleeping on the floor of my sons nursery to keep him from crying all night for my bed. We slowly transitioned him to his beautiful nursery. It was most important to me that he be sleeping in a safe environment . I cuddled him all day and held his hand through crib slats but knew he would be safe and sound. While I understand you I must ask “who’s the parent?”